It's done and I have the "tattoos" to prove it!
Cyclo Cross (CX) season is well underway and my Evolution Cycling Club (EVO) Brothers and Sisters are making it happen in mud, blood, and spades. My list of excuses for not participating was about as long as my rather stickly legs. As many of you know, last Spring I allowed peer pressure (in truth it was my vanity for the camera) to drive me to stand with our CX team on photo day. This was hung hard over my cranium by SUPER CHICKEN (I’m told the cape is an optional uniform item to his CX skinsuit…it even has a quick break away feature to ensure no increased drag). So being of very weak an impressionable mind, I signed up for not just one but two CX races…
Having missed formal CX practices I turned to Computer Based Training (CBT) efforts (READ: Email and YouTube). That’s how we do a lot of things now anyway. Virtual CX here I come. Video makes everything look so simple so after a failed attempt to make CX practice on 1 Nov, I began my trash talking Mon (2 Nov) on schedule. I bounced around my office explaining the art of CX and how I was going to play in the mud and drink beer with folks cheering all around. The grand life was just ahead. Bike(ROCK)Star status was near…
Well, a week of mental gymnastics crushed my spirits by Friday mid-day. Planning to race on Sat (and Sun) I set the alarm to make it happen. My body just said "NO" to the early wake up (0400) and 3+00 drive for Sat's event. I rolled back over in bed, turned off the alarmed and set (closed) my eyes and rested my legs for Sun. I think I woke up at noon…
Having not raced since Aug, I began to really ping Sat night. As the Summer ended I had my race prep, to include a pre-race Martini (or two) down to a science. Not the case this weekend. I ran around my place adding and subtracting kit and stuff from my cycling bag. I was back to being a serious rookie. It seemed that all I learned since Feb was now gone. I was back to square one…
Temps were in the 40s with estimates near 60 at race time. Believing I would keep my leg warmers on I did not even shave my legs. I was going to go at it with natural stubble…
I took advice from the team and showed up two hours before my start time. I rode the course, practiced the barriers, let some air out of my tires, and told myself, this is not too bad. I can do this. I can make this happen. I can race CX. My TURTLE shell will protect me. I want to be a Bike(ROCK)Star!!!
I ran into a few of the Brothers (and one Sister) and gained motivation from having the team round. Chris Larsen told me that after today I will have the knowledge and experience to see that Road season is just prep for CX season. I was looking forward to it…
So, with the festivities (I did like that by the way…music, beer, fries, beer, laughter, beer, sausage, beer---YES…this was my type of party!!!) underway, I lined up to start my first CX race.
I lasted 100m and I hit the ground. They guy in front of me seem to hit the brakes hard. I hit his rear wheel, three others rolled up on my back wheel leaving fresh tracks across my TURTLE shell and down I went. I sprang up as fast as I could, grabbed the bike and tried to get going. The back wheel was taco’d bad. CRAP!!! I was rubbing the frame!!! I made it half the way around the loop, over the barriers as I just had to do it once and off the course I went. I was done…
With head hung low I walked back to the car. Joseph Kontun (Jeff Erler called him CROUTON---that name has to stick---hint, hint, EVO Super Secret Nickname Committee) met me along the road and yelled, “TURTLE, I have a spare wheel, go register for the next race!” CROUTON grabbed my bike up and over his bike and rode to his car. I ran to my rental car, grabbed my wallet and ran to the registration table. I got there just 5 min before the time cut off. I had a friend pin my number on and there was Jeff Erler and CROUTON w/ my rig. I was back in it…another case of peer pressure that I could not avoid.
With a short delay to evac a guy that broke his ankle (that should have been a warning to me), I rode the course again. Jeff Erler decided to hang back and ride w/ me and coach me through the effort. That was certainly KOOL ‘n da GANG!
As we started I was just happy to make it more than 100 meters. About 2/3 around the loop Jeff stood up to wait for me. He was good to his word. He could hear me giving birth to a lung and tried to calm me down. I could not settle in. This was serious work and I was not cutting it.
Each effort over the barriers was greeted by an SPD pedal in the shin. Having removed my leg warmers (as the temps were no in the 70s…WX men SUCK!!!), my stickly, stubble covered (next time vanity wins and I shave!!!) shins were taking a beating. Being passed by almost everyone on the circuit, my ego was taking even more…
After a few laps, Jeff could see where I was struggling. I had a death grip on the brakes that just pushed me further and further back. He told me to trust my bike. OK, I do…when I’m on asphalt!!! This was different. With two laps to go, I finally listen and let the bike just roll. It worked. It was much easier. However, the beat down I was experiencing had taken its toll fare in cash. I was TURTLE TOAST and there was no recover insight. At least in a CRIT or circuit race one can sit in and recover after an effort. This was more like a TT on grass and mud. And we all know TURTLE only “looks” good for TTs. Another vanity photo spread it is…
I heard the announcer say last lap for the leaders. I told Jeff I wanted a beer…actually I said I want two beers. So after getting passed by the leaders on their final lap, Jeff picked up a beer as he went past the pavilion. I heard, “We got a beer up” and I managed a little laugh through the pain thinking that is so freaking KOOL ‘n da GANG!!!
Crossing the start finish Jeff surprised me and handed me a beer. He was the beer up . . . NO WAY!!! I sat up, took a gulf and asked were we done and before he even replied, I had half the beer in my tummy and pulled off the course.
Walking back to pavilion, after being scolded for taking a beer at the finish, a friend of mine met me with another beer. It was over and my thirst was being quenched. My shins felt like TURTLE cube steaks. The music and the beer was helping some. I need much more…
So my first CX race is complete and I have to be honest crew, I believe this may just be my last. I’ll come watch, cheer, and drink (I do this better than most anyone I know!!!) at a future event but for now I humbly request someone to please Photoshop me out the team CX picture. I admit that I am a shaved leg Roadie to the bone. Bring on the Spring and a good CRIT--back to BAD ASS BASE BUILDING I go . . .
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